Our Golden Year
by Guesswhat
Summary: Sequel to 'My Golden Rule'. A season 12 story from Abby and Luka’s point of view. About being together, preparing for parenthood, and trusting each other.
1. Old Wives Tales

_**A/N:** The sequel to 'My Golden Rule.' If you want to know what that was about...read it. Or read this supposed to be little summary: It was written from Abby's POV. Abby sleeps with Luka after they walked back from Susan's goodbye party. Abby is not too happy about it, but Luka is. Then Carter comes back, and he and Abby have a good old chat on the roof, but nothing much happens. Then Luka invites Abby for christmas, and she says yes. Next morning Abby figures that she missed her period, and somehow tells Carter, who tells her that she should take the test and that Luka is a good guy. Abby tells Luka, and Luka says her that she can do it, but Abby is too worried and wants an abortion. In the mean time Carter already disappeared to Darfur. But when Abby is talking to Coburn she realizes that she wants this baby and she decides to keep it. Luka is all happy about it, so is Abby, and they have a cosy christmas. But then doubt starts to hit Abby 'cause she wonders if Luka would have stayed with her if she would have aborted the baby and then we get this huge cliffhanger. Last chapter, Luka tells her that of course he loves her etcetera, and the story ends with a happy Luka and a happy Abby, who decided that she has to take hold of what life brings and that that's her golden rule. Sort of. Well, can't bring it to you any shorter...!  
**Disclaimer:** Well, I don't own the characters. Just like everyone else.  
**Summary:** A season 12 story from Abby and Luka's point of view. About being together, preparing for parenthood, and trusting each other.  
**Extra: **Sorry that this chapter is a little short, but I hope you guys all like this sequel, with now Luka's POV as well! Oh yeah, and the title is of course a little similar to 'My Golden Rule,' hehe._ **  
**

**Our Golden Year**

_Chapter 1 – Old Wives Tales_

**Saturday 18 March 2006 – 22:30**

I'm sitting, or actually laying, on the couch, with Abby leaning against my chest with her back on top of me, reading a magazine about babies and pregnancies that she apparently bought on her way home.

I am watching tv, but I haven't really been concentrating on the documentary anymore after Abby came out of the bathroom with fresh showered hair, wearing a big sweater and sweatpants, and practically crawled on top of me. I'm not complaining.  
I play a little with the wet locks of her hair and sprawl a litle further. Abby willingly moves with me.

It's been three months since she told me she was pregnant. There, on the middle of the sidewalk, nearby Carter's house. She'd been awfully quiet when we walked to her apartment and went to bed. So was I. She didn't know if she was happy or not, and she was so insecure that I really had no idea how to convince her that she'd do great, and that we could handle it.

But at the end, she convinced herself. And that made me probably one of the happiest men alive. Until she really scared me when she told me she wasn't sure if I was in love with her or more with the baby. That was of course not the point, so I made sure that I do love her. And now the trust is really more than mutual.

It's really during these little moments like this, when she's so close to me that I can feel her breathing and pretty much breath with her, when I realize how much I care for her, how much I feel for her.   
It's during these moments when I can't help to fantasise about the little baby that is there, carefully covered under the big sweater.

We did an amnio two weeks ago, and everything appeared to be fine. I was less worried than Abby about the result, but I certainly was very relieved when we got to hear that everything is alright with our child, and I guess that that good news was the change for Abby to _really_ start enjoying all this.

It's like she finally is comfortable with everything, and I'm pretty sure she's ready to tell the rest of the staff soon. It really is miraculous that both Ray and Sam didn't tell anyone. Not that we assumed they would, but well, it's County after all.

I'm still playing with her hair as she puts down the magazine and lays her head down on my chest.

"We have an appointment with Coburn tomorrow," she says softly and looks up to me.

I smile. "What time?"

"Two thirty. We get to hear the heartbeat," she sits up at that and smiles broadly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, well, it's been twelve weeks. It's about time."

I grin as I sit up as well and take the magazine in my hands. I start to flip through the pages until my eye falls on a, for me right now, very interesting page that has this whole list of things that could tell if we're having a boy or a girl. Apparently Abby sees where I'm looking at 'cause she pats my arm and sighs. "That's all bullshit."

"I don't think so. Here, let's see... Morning sickness...Well, that was pretty much non existent. See, we're having a...girl."

"Right."

"...and you've been craving for sweets all the time, so that explains a girl as well."

"Luka..."

She really doesn't seem to like this but I do see the fun so I just continue. "Look, and this says that it's a girl if the dad is not getting any weight... Well, see. We're still having a girl."

Abby just raises her eyebrows and grabs the magazine out of my hands. "And I have a headache and that is a sign for a boy. It doesn't make sense. And anyway, it says 'Old Wives Tales,' so this is nonsense."

She stands up and drops the magazine on her kitchen table and gets herself a glass of water.

"You don't like to speculate about the sex?" I ask careful, as I see that the look in her eyes isn't as relaxed as it was before.

She shrugs and leans against the kitchen counter. "It's scary."

I smile understanding and walk over to her. "Okay, then we'll stop talking about that."

She shrugs again and refills her glass. "A girl would just really make things more complicated."

I decide not to answer that since it's an endless discussion. I know where she's aiming at. She knows how it is to be someone daughter, and she doesn't want her child to feel the same way about her mother as she did when she was younger. Not that that will happen, but well, once such a thought gets stuck in Abby's head it stays there for a long, long time.

She rubs her neck and puts the glass by the rest of the dishes. "I'm gonna go sleep."

"How long have you been having these headaches?" I ask as she rubs small circles around both sides of her head.

"Just today. So maybe it is a girl after all."

I grin, glad that she found her humor back again and put off the tv and do the dishes. After that I brush my teeth and everything, and then I crawl in bed besides her. She's still awake, leaning with her back against the wall as I turn off the bedlamp.

"You're okay?" I ask as I hear her sigh softly.

"Yeah..."

"Don't you have that ice pack thing?" I try, knowing that she might not catch any sleep if that headache will keep bothering her.

I hear her chuckle at that. "You mean the ugly purple one? I do. But I'm fine."

"Okay."

I see her silhouette moving her pillow and finally she lays down on her back, face to the ceiling. I look at her for awhile, and hear her sigh again. She worries. Again.

"You know...," she starts and I see her face turning to me a little. "I really want this thing to grow."

"It will soon," I mumble softly.

"I know. But it's been _three months_. Normally I would have lost my waistline already."

"Well, you're petite, might take awhile."

She sighs. "It would just be reassuring. That everything is going as it should go."

"It's going fine..." My voice is getting weaker and weaker, I'm really getting sleepy. However, Abby's voice seems to get more and more alert what makes me fear for another endless talk. Not that I don't like that. I love to just listen to her, babbling along about all this, but it's just hard not to fall asleep after a while...

I hear and feel the covers move, and then suddenly bright light blinds my eyes.  
Oh man...

"What are you doing...?" I mumble and stretch my arm out to her side of the bed, that suddenly is empty. Groaning I open my eyes and see Abby standing in front of the mirror, holding her shirt up so she can observe her belly.

"Hm, maybe my waistline did disappear."

I smile at her frowning face. In fact, her waistline indeed disappear, but I just didn't tell her that, in case it might start a whole monologue about being 'fat'.

"See, you're doing great," I tell her and sit up so I have a better view.

"But there's still not a real belly."

"I think there is..." I mumble and remember something I did with Danielja. "Come back to bed."

"Why?"

"Well, besides the fact that it's a very normal time to actually sleep in bed, I want you close to me."

She grins but does do what I say. She lets her shirt fall down and crawls back under the covers and luckily turns the light off again.

"Turn on your side, with your back to me."

She does, and chuckles somewhat nervous. Not that I'm going to do anything abnormal. I lay closer against her and manage to slid one arm under her and the other one around her, so I now have Abby practically in my arms, and my hands pressed on her belly.

"I'm sure there is a belly. Just breath in, hold your breath."

She does and her belly shrinks, except for the small poochy middle. "Feel for yourself," I smile satisfied and place her hands under mine.

"Yeah, maybe you're right..." she grins and pulls her hands back. I slip my hands under her shirt and move around her bare skin, really feeling the small belly that defenitely wasn't there three months ago. Although it isn't really round yet, it is feeling a bit more stiff. Protective.

"So can we sleep now?" I ask softly in her ear.

"Hmhm..." And immediately I hear her voice losing volume. She snuckles her head under my chin and I kiss the top of her head softly.

"Nothing to worry about..." I whisper and rub her belly softly. "Nothing to worry about..." I repeat and finally feel her body relax more. Thankful I close my eyes and pull the covers a little further over us. I glance at the alarm clock, 23:10.

Just another fifteen hours before we'll hear the heartbeat. Just another fifteen hourse before Abby will be completely convinced about the fact that everythng really is going absolutely perfect. Just another fifteen hours...

I smile at that thought, and with Abby in my arms I slowly drift off in a dreamy sleep, until tomorrow begins.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**__

(Preview for chapter 2: Abby and Luka go to County, and have the appointment they were talking about!)  


**Please, leave a review to tell me what you think about this start!  
**


	2. More Than Fine

_**A/N:**I know. I knoooow, God I know. I'm awful. I haven't updated in more than a month, but I really, really tried. I just couldn't get my ideas in words... Anyway, Young Troubled is done and will be updated this week..  
**Disclaimer:** Well, I don't own the characters. Just like everyone else.  
**Summary:** A season 12 story from Abby and Luka's point of view. About being together, preparing for parenthood, and trusting each other.  
**Beta:** I had this chapter already written, with the knowledge that it wasn't really good, and then let Maarten read it, who only had two words: Throw. Away. So, I did, and started all over again. His opinion about the final result; Good, enjoyable and easy reading!  
**Warning: **English isn't my native language, but I do the best I can  
**Note:** Some of you might remember 'Have A Little Faith In Me', a Carby story that can still be found on my profile page, but I hate the story by now, so I'm gonna delete it soon. Just to let you know! _

_Thank you all for the first twelve reviews, and I'm glad that you're all enthusiastic about this sequel. And as I promised, Luka and Abby's POV!_

**  
Our Golden Year**  
_  
Chapter 2 – More Than Fine_

**Monday 20 March 2006 – 07:15**

I just woke up by the alarm clock, and managed to shut it off before Abby would wake up by its annoying beep. I lay down on my side and carefully brush her hair out of her face. She moans a little and then shifts closer to me, her head coming to rest against my upper arm.

I smile as she places a soft kiss on my arm, her eyes are still closed and her breathing is still slow, but she is awake. But not admitting it. Not that I really care, it's good, and rather unique, to watch her sleep. The fact that I put the alarm off for her only means that she'll have another five minutes, but she deserves them. It's like she can't fall asleep at night, unless I try to free her from every worry, and if that's not the case, the Oreo's or pop tarts have to free her from her endless hunger that sometimes ends at 1:30 in the morning. That's why she falls asleep on the couch practically every night. But like I said, I don't mind.

I sigh and try to get out of bed without her waking up, but I know that's impossible. She has to wake up by now anyhow. I lean in and softly place a kiss on her cheek. She stirs a little. "Ab, it's almost twenty past seven..."

She groans and replaces her head against me, this time also laying her leg on mine. "Okay, Abby... I'm not complaining but you really should open your eyes."

She grins and rolls back on her back, smiling softly. "You slept well?" I ask as I sit up and push the comforter off me.

She nods with a slight grin and then, finally, opens her eyes. "Hello."

------------------------------

I blink to get used to the bright sunlight that shines on my bed and then look at Luka, who stood up and walks to the bathroom.  
Yawning I sit up and stretch out my arms before I get up as well. I grab my clothes and then head to the bathroom, where he's brushing his teeth.

I catch my extremely lousy, sleepy face in the mirror and at the same time see his, somehow always looking good, face.

"You're too sexy for this time of day," I groan as I lean in to the mirror to inspect my face.

He just cocks his brow at that and rinses his mouth in the sink.

"Today is heartbeat day," he says as I let the water of the shower warm up.

"I know," I smile and begin to brush my hair. "It's weird."

"Why?"

I'm sure he can think of enough reasons for me to feel weird about it, but well, I was going to say it anyway. "Because it's the heartbeat of... _my_ baby. Which is in here." I pat my belly through my pyama top.

"Maybe you should call it exciting," Luka suggests, giving me a very innocent looking face through the mirror.

"Or nerve-wracking."

"I'd stick with exciting."

I don't really answer that and walk back to the shower to feel its temperature. Good.  
I get undressed and step under the warm water. I'm really nervous about it, and honestly not excited. Yesterday I was, but now it's really going to happen today, it's more nerve-wracking than fun. This just makes it all so real. Not too real, I'm way passed that phase, but still it's scary.

I glance down at my bare belly and breathe in as I place my hands on the tiny, tiny bump that forms. I smile satisfied and tilt my head backwards to enjoy the warm water a little longer.

------------------------------

I'm walking back to admit as I see Abby standing in front of a computer, nervously biting her nails.

I sigh, knowing that she's scared to death that, I don't know, there won't be a heartbeat or something, and silently I go stand behind her. "Stop that," I say and grab her hands in mine.

"Jesus," she reacts and turns around.

"Don't bite your nails."

"Sorry."

"Want to get out of here for awhile?"

She sighs and shrugs. "I don't know."

"We have two hours left before Coburn, we have time."

"We can't really leave."

"The lounge then," I try. I just need her to... relax a little. Maybe even more for my own sake than for hers. I can't stand her nervousness all day.

She gives in with a weak smile and follows me.

------------------------------

Once we're in the lounge Luka sits down on a chair and pulls me on his lap. "What are you so worried about?" He asks and pulls my back against his chest.

I sigh and let my head fall back on his shoulder. What I'm worried about? "Everything," I answer and shrug a little.

"You've been biting your nails all day." He takes my left hand and looks at my nails.

"Well, I just... I don't know. I want it to be okay."

"It will be."

"But what if it's not?"

"Ab..."

I shrug again and give him an apologizing smile. "Can't help it." I sit up straight as he places his hands on my shoulders and begins to rub small circles.

"I just need reassurance," I mumble as I let my head drop forward and let out a soft moan. God, he's good at this.

"That's exactly what you'll have in two hours."

"I know. I think I know." I sigh and resit so I can look at him.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't know what to expect. It makes it all more real. And if there is that 3D thing she mentioned last time..."

"You don't want that?"

"No, no I do want that. I just don't know what my reaction will be."

"Is that what you're worried about?"

I nod and can't help to bite my lip.

"That you won't feel right?"

I nod again. "Yes. What if it scares me? I just finally feel comfortable with the idea that there's a baby growing inside of me, but it's still so safe and little and a heartbeat... It would just make things more real. And I want it to be real, but..."

"But what?"

"I just hope it won't... scare me. I don't want to freak out."

He leans in and captures my lips with his. "You? Freak out?" he whispers grinning and pulls back to look at me. "You'll be fine."

------------------------------

She won't freak out. I grin at the thought and look down at Abby, who's lying on the examination table. I'm standing behind her, she's looking up to me, continuously. Coburn is just putting the gel on her belly. I can't place the look in her eyes right now. It's not fear, definitely not fear. I managed to talk that out of her in the lounge. And massage, that last thing seems to have a magical effect on her. Maybe it's excitement I see, or happiness, I don't know.

Coburn turns the machine on and we hear some rustling. Abby looks down to the device Coburn is moving around her belly, and then all of a sudden, the room is filled with a steady heartbeat. Abby gasps softly, and I smile at Coburn, who smiles back. Our baby.

My child.

Everything is alright, I say to myself and look down at her.

"Heart rate is 150, nice and steady. Sounds good to me," Coburn smiles and pats her knee. "You're doing well.

------------------------------

I know I am. Just listen to that. I can't seem to tear my eyes off my belly, from where this loud heartbeat is coming from. It's really in there. In me. And the best thing is that it's alright. It's fine, more than fine.

"Are you okay?" Luka asks concerned and kneels down besides me.

"Yeah," I laugh. "Yes, yes, I am." I hear my voice crack, I feel the tears on my cheeks but it's really relief, happiness, and whatever else I'm feeling right now.

Coburn turns the machine off again and wipes the bit of gel off my belly. "It's overwhelming isn't it?"

"You can say that," I laugh and grin at Luka. I'm not sure why I'm laughing like this, I guess I should be, I don't know, be more serious, but I really can't get rid of this smile. And I realize that I don't have to, since exactly the same is going on with Luka.

"Okay, Abby, you asked for a 3D ultrasound the other day..." Coburn begins as she sits down behind her computer.

"Yeah, I did."

"We can do that during the next appointment, in four weeks. The machine is available then, and we can get a much better picture when you're really in your second trimester."

"Sure, that's okay."

"And further, everything going well?"

"Yes, I think so. It sounded like it."

She smiles and turns back from her computer as we sit down in front of her.

"It definitely did."

"Abby is only a little worried that she's not showing enough," Luka suddenly throws in the conversation.

Surprised I turn my head to him, giving him a long, _long_ look.

"Oh, is she?" Coburn grins and gives me a meaningful wink. At least _she _understands that that was a private concern thing.

"_What?_" Luka shrugs.

I open my mouth to answer that innocent 'what?' but am interrupted by Coburn.

"I don't think that's something to worry about. You're petite, it might take awhile. And you'll probably be able to feel your baby sooner since you're small. So, don't worry."

"It's not that of a _concern_," I say and turn my head to Luka again at the last word.

He lifts his hands up in the air. "I didn't know that."

Coburn smiles. "And further... nausea, fatigue...?"

"I'm tired a lot. Not really at work, but it hits in early. And then I can't fall asleep when I'm actually in bed."

"That should get better in a week or two, other than that... your weight gain is normal, so keep eating what you're eating..."

Luka frowns surprised at that. "The _same_ amount?"

"You don't agree?"

"What about proteins?"

"As long as you keep eating healthy, but a pizza every once in a while isn't gonna do any harm."

'_See,' _I mouth in his direction. 'Proteins,' he mouths back. Oh, shut up.

"Further any other questions, worries?"

"No not really. I'm... perfectly fine," I tell her.

"And you, Luka?"

"Yes, yes, I'm good too."

"It's not a bad idea to check out the internet, there are a lot of online supporting groups for fathers to be, can be very helpful."

I bite my lip and stare at the pattern of the carpet – which ironically happens to be the same as when I was here to talk about aborting – as I wait for Luka to answer that one.

"I don't think I need that," he answers discretely and tries to find my eyes. "We're doing very well."  
_  
_------------------------------

Two hours later, and very back in the ER, I can't keep my eyes off Abby. This is what they call glowing. I saw that look in her eyes at home, but not yet here at work. And I'm not the only one who noticed. Ray gave me a pat on the back with the words; "It's a little too clear," and right now I see Abby talking to Kerry with such a smile on her face that I don't believe Kerry doesn't know.

Oh. What if she's just spreading the word? What if she's now just telling everyone?

I quickly turn off the computer I was staring at that and walk over to where Abby and Kerry are standing. "Hi Kerry, can I borrow Abby from you for a minute?"

"Sure," she smiles and looks at me like... "And congratulations, both of you."

Like she knows. And she does.

"What is it?" Abby asks innocently after I pulled her to a quiet place in the hallway.

"You told Kerry?" I ask surprised.

"Well, yeah... do you mind?"

"No, no of course not, but I thought..."

"Do you want to announce or something?" What? Is that weird?

"Well, yeah... I thought we were going to?" I absolutely can't help to at least look a little disappointed.

First she just cocks her brow but then her facial expression softens. "Okay," she smiles and steps closer to me. "You do it." She leans in and presses a short kiss on my lips. "That's what you mean, right?"

I grin sheepishly, knowing that that is a little bit right and place my hand on her belly for a second. "I'd like to."

"Busted." She whispers back and takes my hand off her. "Let's do it."

"Now?"

"Well, yeah. Or do you want to prepare a whole ceremony?"

"Nooo," I grin and shake my head. "I just didn't know if you're ready."

"Yes, in fact, I am."  
_  
_------------------------------

We had to wait another thirty minutes, since everyone was busy and it was just Frank and Morris around admit, but by now Ray helped us to get practically everyone together and they're all staring at me. Which makes sense since Luka's arm is wrapped around my back and I'm smiling at the view of half of the staff staring at me.

Luka clears his throat. "Abby and I, we wanted to tell you that..."

I smirk as he pauses to I don't know, build up tension, and look at him.

"That, we're very happy to announce that..."

"I'm pregnant," I suddenly blurt out. Oops.

Oh God, I ruined it.

I look at Luka who just grins sheepishly and shakes his head in, what I hope, is amusement.

The crowd in front of us is silent for awhile, gazing at me, but then it's interrupted by Chuny.

"No way. No way!" She squeaks and immediately walks over to hug me.

I glance over at Neela, who's just standing there with her mouth half open and her eyebrows raised as high as possible. "Pregnant?" She repeats with a British accent that is much thicker than normally.

"You didn't notice?" I grin as she walks over to me as well.

"No-oh! How far along are you?"

"Three months," I say, feeling my cheeks get warm as I realize that it's really public now.

"I really had no idea! But wow, that's..., _splendid_ news."

I nod and chuckle at her accurate phrase. "I know," I smile and look at Luka, who's getting a pat on his back from Victor.

"I really can't believe it. Ray said that he thought so, but..."

I glance at Ray, who gives me an innocent pout. Oh, I don't care. I really don't care, I'm just too glad that's it out, and that everyone is excited.

"Boy or girl?" Neela asks.

"We don't know yet."

After another fifteen minutes of hugs, 'no ways', and an 'I won' from Morris to Pratt, Luka comes standing behind me and places a hand on my shoulder. "You're okay?"

I wonder how many times people asked me that today, and in the rest of my life, and I wonder how many times I said that I was when I actually wasn't. But now I am.

"Yes," I say and turn to him. "Very."

* * *

**  
Thank you for reading!**

_(Preview for chapter 3: Kerry is having her operation, and Luka comes up with the brilliant idea to baby-sit Henry for a couple of days, 'to get used to it.' Abby is a little less enthusiastic. Also, a call from Carter, all in the next chapter...!)_

**Please, leave a review ... !**


	3. The Stoned Rabbit & The Late Night Call

_**A/N:** And... I'm back with chapter three! That's a lot faster than last time huh? Wrote this one in less than two hours, then discussed it with Maarten, and this is the final result. Reviews were a little less than chapter 1, but I hope this chapter is getting better again...! (If you're confused by Abby's thoughts about Carter, read ch4 and 5 of 'My Golden Rule')  
**Disclaimer:** Well, I don't own the characters. Just like everyone else.  
**Summary:** A season 12 story from Abby and Luka's point of view. About being together, preparing for parenthood, and trusting each other.  
**Beta:** __Again thanks to Maarten, and to the wonderful thing called English Language Spellcheck on our Imac. (My own PC doesn't support that for some reason) So, everything should be flawless now ;).  
**Warning: **English isn't my native language, but I do the best I can  
**Note:** 'Have A Little Faith In Me' will be deleted very, very soon!_

_Reposted for grammar mistakes, and change of some sentences._

**Our Golden Year**

_Chapter 3 – The Stoned Rabbit & The Late Night Call_

**Sunday 26 March 2006 – 19:00**

Still thinking about Kerry I open the door of Luka's apartment. I never realized how much her handicap meant to her, and how personal something like that. And now I think about it, I get that it makes sense. Tomorrow she's going to do it, and I'm very flattered that she wanted me to be Henry's guardian, in case something will go wrong. But nothing will go wrong.

But what if it does though? I rather not think about it, but that would mean that Henry...

Poor kid. I glance down at my belly and realize that there's another 'poor kid.' I grin and get up from the couch to make some tea.

Just when the water starts to boil Luka comes back from, I guess, the grocery store, taking the fact that he's carrying two brown bags and a plastic one.

"Hi," I smile as he makes his way to the kitchen table.

He puts the bags down and looks up to me with a, somehow, guilty look on his face.

"What is it?" I ask as I walk over to the table to see what's in the bags.

"Argh, nothing. I just bumped in to some... baby stuff."

"_Baby _stuff" I ask with raised eyebrows and peek in the bags.

He grins a little embarrassed as I take a plastic box out which includes... a tiny light blue plate with a yellow duck in the middle and a matching spoon.

"Isn't it a little early for this?"

"Don't you think it's sweet?"

"Well, yeah. Yeah, it's sweet," I smile as I take out a very, well, I don't know how to put it otherwise, _stoned_ looking rabbit.

"Yeah. I saw that one and I couldn't resist."

I nod laughing and observe the rabbit a little better. "This one is really good." One eye is actually bigger, and closer to the nose than the other, his color is a soft green and the ears are way too big and one is hanging down it's unstable body.

He smiles as he opens the refrigerator to put away the vegetables. "Thought so."

"Heard about Kerry?" I ask as I put the tea bags in the mugs.

"I went to check on her just before I left the hospital. She told me you'd been there."

"She asked me to be Henry's guardian," I tell as we sit down on the couch.

"I know. We talked a little about him, I offered that we could take care of him for the next two days."

"Of Henry?"

"Yeah, why not?"

I raise my brow at that. I can think of enough reasons not to do that. He looks at me, really not understanding why I'm making a point out of this.

"Well, what about Sandy's parents?" I ask.

"They aren't home Monday and the day after, and Kerry was a little worried. You're not okay with that?

"No, that's... I'm fine with it, sure, if Kerry wants me to... But... do you even have a crib?"

"No, but Sandy's parents come over here around eleven, and they bring his stuff."

"But I... _We_ are working tomorrow."

"Not anymore. I arranged that with Ray and Clemente, they were willing to cover."

"Jesus."

"What?"

"Well... you, me... Henry... that's like..."

"Exactly," he grins. "Practice makes perfect."

"So they say..." I mumble, still dazzled and sip from my tea. "God... a whole day with a child..."

"Two days."

"Two days," I repeat, suddenly realizing that this comes very close to the real thing. "Two... long... days."

"Wonderful."

"What?"

"Wonderful, instead of 'long.' 'Long' is a little negative."

"I didn't know that," I chuckle sarcastically and throw a magazine on my lap.

"Come on, we can take care of him."

"I hope so," I smile and resit so I'm leaning against his chest, the position that works out perfectly for reading a magazine together.

He sighs and wraps his arms around my middle, his hands coming to rest on my belly. "Hey, can't close your jeans?"

I look down and see that the button is loose. "Oh, I didn't even notice..." I smirk as I try to close it again. No luck.

"Oh! _Maternity wear_..." he whispers in my ear.

I let out a long sigh and lean with my head against his chest. "Yeah, I guess so..."

------------------------------

She snuggles closer against me and opens the magazine somewhere in the middle. It's what we almost do every evening, on the couch, reading magazines, about baby's. Prenatal care, birth, cribs, the 'fashion' of nursery, – it's all about vintage at this moment – we know everything. Still, we haven't really bought anything yet, besides the plate and the rabbit I brought home today. I just couldn't resist.

"Geez, these baby monitors are pretty expensive..."

I glance down at where's she's aiming at. "_Calming vibrations monitors_?" I laugh. I'm sorry, but I can't be serious about that.

"It's the new... _technology_."

That doesn't explain a vibrating monitor. "Okay. Who is it supposed to calm down then?"

"The _baby_," she laughs and reads the description. "Calming vibrations monitor soothes baby with remote activated crib mounted calming vibrations or with sounds of the seashore."

"Sounds of the_ seashore?"_

"I'm not saying that we should get those things, I'm just saying that they're expensive."

"Of course," I grin and kiss her neck. "I know."

"Good. Shouldn't you be making dinner...?"

I groan and lift her up from my chest. "I'm all in for take-out," I say as I get up.

"Me too," she smiles and falls back on the couch.

I order us two pizzas and then go to the bathroom. When I come back, Abby is still laying on the couch, legs curled up and her face on one of the pillows. Out of it.

She works too much. If she'd just cut back on her hours a little bit... but this is Abby, who doesn't want any special treatment at work, and conquers the couch the minute she gets home.

Twenty minutes later the doorbell rings and Abby wakes up again. "Food," she smirks and sits up straight. I look at her in amusement as she grabs a slice and takes a bite. "Very good pizza."

"I know."

"What is this place again?" She asks with the tomato sauce all around her lips. Cute, but a little...

"Ab, you're eating a little disgusting."

She frowns at that and takes another bite. Geez, is she gonna eat that thing in three bites?

"I'm just hungry."

Oh oh. That sounded near to snappy. Different subject.

"So, what could we do with Henry?"

"Keep him alive," she answers simply as she licks the tomato sauce from her lips. "And feed him."

"That's all?"

"What? You want to take him to the _Zoo_?" Well, that's not a bad idea, but she sounds a little bit cynical.

I shrug. "I don't know. Take him to the park. There's not much here for a two year old."

"You have a point there." She leans in and grabs another slice.

"So, park?"

"The park it is. If the weather is working with us."

"Otherwise we could go...to the Zoo after all."

"What's it with you and Zoo's?"

"Nothing. I just haven't been there for a long time. I like those monkeys and the elephants."

"Anpangs," she mumbles with her mouth full.

"And what?"

"Penguins. They have that funny walk." She waggles with her hips. "It's hilarious. We should have gone to that new penguin movie."

I decide not to answer that one.

In no time both of the pizzas are gone and Abby disappears to the bedroom to change in her sweatpants.

She's fun, different, since she's pregnant, and definitely since last week. Despite the weird, and honestly unexpected mood swings, she's sweet. I pick up the soft green rabbit and put it in the windowsill. Good buy. And Abby loves it. She doesn't admit easily, that she likes all the baby stuff we're now 'able' to buy, but it's pretty obvious since she devours the magazines.

Letting out a deep sigh I fall back on the couch and switch on the TV. Some animation movie. I rub my eyes and resettle the pillow under my head. What the hell is this about? A mammoth and some lisping... something.

------------------------------

"Luka!" I shout from the bedroom as I'm standing in front of his closet, searching for sweatpants. I forgot that mine are still in my locker.

He's not answering. "Luka!"

"Yeah?" I finally hear from the living room.

"Do you have sweatpants or jogging pants here?" I ask and go stand in the doorway.

"You don't have your own?"

"They're in my locker."

He gets up and walks over to me. "There's a fun movie on TV."

I raise my eyebrows at that statement and follow him to the closet.

"Don't think so...," he mumbles as he goes through some clothes.

"You don't have _any_?"

"I'm not a jogger."

I smirk and sit down on the bed. "Pyama pants then?"

"You ever saw me in _pyama_s?"

"Yes. Long time ago."

He frowns at that. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

He shrugs and bends down to the lowest shelf. "Oh, look at this. It's black."

"And too big," I add as I see the black... thing.

"Yeah, they won't fit you..." He observes me for a minute and I begin to feel pretty uncomfortable.

I give him a look and as he catches my stare he's back in reality. "Robe. Wear my robe."

That's not a bad idea at all. "Good idea." I put on his – way too big – robe and step out of my jeans. Much better.

Back on the couch I lay my legs over his lap. "What is about, the movie?" I ask as I see some ugly tigers and a lot of snow.

"No idea. But they had this fun 'tuh duh duh' song."

Tuh duh duh? Whatever. I sigh and try to concentrate on the screen. The tigers are talking. One of them, named... Ah, Soto, speaks with a huge amount of evilness in his voice. Weird accent. "What kind of accent is that?" I ask frowning.

"Croatian."

"Really?"

"Sounds like it."

"I didn't know we have Croatian American actors."

Uh-oh. Assaulted him with that one. He looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"Never say that again."

------------------------------

After the baby is returned to his father and we're watching the credits I look at Abby, who, to my surprise, has little tears in her eyes.

"Are you crying?" I ask and lean in to check if I'm right. And I am.

She nods, her head still leaning on the arm of the couch. "Just a little bit. Saw the eyes of that mammoth?"

"Yes," I grin and pull her against me.

"Guess I'm getting all hormonal," she smirks and lays her head against my shoulder.

"Oh, I think you already are," I answer laughing. She's more emotional about everything. Not only about animated characters, and mammoth's eyes, but also when it comes down to the loss of patients. It's getting to her more, and, more important, she shows it off more. Involuntary or not, I'm glad about that.

She sighs when the credits are replaced by commercials and lets out a long, long yawn.

"I want the second trimester benefits to kick in." She stands up and pulls me up as well.

"You just had a rough day," I say as I switch off the TV and pick up the rabbit on my way to the bedroom.

"Why the hell are you bringing that... stoned rabbit thing in your bed?" She asks clearly surprised as she comes back from the bathroom.

"For the right smell."

"Eugh." She just answers and crawls under the sheets.

"Don't 'eugh' that. Don't you think it's good for the baby to have a rabbit that smells just like us?"

"Well," she answers and turns on her side towards me. "Maybe."

I smile satisfied and place the rabbit between our pillows. She cocks her brow but I do see the amusement shining through her cynical look, like it always does.

"You know what," she mumbles. "You're sweet."

Not knowing what to do with that comment I turn on my back and chuckle.

"_What?_" She asks laughing.

"Am I supposed to say the same thing to you now?" I grin as I turn back on my side.

"Well... _no_. Since that wouldn't be believable."

"You cried during _Ice Age_."

She shakes her head. "Whatever." It's silent for a moment and I put on the alarm before I switch the light off.

But then Abby feels the urge to interrupt. "Oh, this sucks."

"What?"

"I still have a garlic flavor in my mouth."

"Thought you had brushed your teeth..."

"I did. But there's still a little garlic thingy in my jaw..." The last words are pretty much incomprehensible as I hear her sticking her finger in her mouth.

"That sounds disgusting."

"It's not. It's just annoying."

"Okay."

"Eugh, I should get this out."'

No you're not. I already feel the covers move but then swing her arm around her middle, making her giggle, but more important; stop moving.

"_Don't_. Don't go out of bed."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Just close your eyes."

"Still, mint and garlic isn't much of a combo."

"Hmhm."

"Really."

"I understand."

"A bad, bad combination."

"Sjjjh...," I say and replace my hand to her hip, trailing my fingers over the little bump. Her hands fall on mine. "Go sleep," I whisper.

"I'm trying."

"Stop talking."

"You know, my foot sleeps though."

I groan and lift my arm off her.

"Really, it's tingling."

"Shut up," I smirk and pull the covers over my head.

**Monday 27 March 2006 – 01:30**

I wake up as I roll over to the other side of the bed and find no Luka. Geez, what time is it... ...1:30. Did he get paged? No... no he's not on call. Still half asleep I sit up and look around the room. Then I hear a faint voice coming from the living room. His voice.

I get up and wrap a plaid around my cold body as I shuffle to the doorway. I see him sitting on his couch, calling with someone.

My breath catches in my throat. Oh God. Oh no. A person calling round this time of night is always bad news. Did someone die in Croatia? Please not Maggie or Eric, please no.  
I walk around the couch and go standing in front of him.

He looks up to me, a little overwhelmed by my appearance.

"Hey...?" I whisper sleepy and sank down besides him. "Whom are you talking to?"

"John."

"_Carter?_"

He just nods and holds his hand up to prevent me from asking more questions so I just curl my legs up and look at him. Carter... I almost forgot about him in the past few weeks, but Luka didn't. I glance at the coffee table, where I now see the postcard with the sunset that Carter had send to the ER.

"But what are the main problems?" I hear Luka ask. I frown, problems can never be good, and try to follow the conversation with Luka's words.

"And you're there now with...? ...Eight? ...Yeah... yes, I understand. ...Yes I would, of course I would..." He turns his head to me and offers me a small smile. "Go back to bed..." he whispers.

"No, I'm fine..."

"John? No, I woke Abby up. ...But what for patients do you guys have over there? ...That many? No, of course... Yes..."

I yawn and get up to get myself a glass of water.

"I'll do what I can. I'd be willing to, yes. Of course. I think in two weeks, but I'll try to reach you again."

I walk back to the couch. What in two weeks?

"I'll call you about it, but it's 1:30 here so... yeah. Yeah, haha, you can say that... I do, I will. Okay, bye John."

He hangs up and lets out a deep sigh.

"What was that all about?" I ask as I sip from my water.

"Well, first, he wants to congratulate you with your pregnancy."

"You told him?"

"Well, _yes?_" Yes. Yes, of course. And in a way he already knew of course. Or, well, almost. It must be weird for him to first see me crying about the fact that I might be or might be not pregnant, and then hear Luka's voice on the phone that tells him that I'm thirteen weeks along.

"How did he react?"

"Okay. Truly happy for you, really."

"But that's not why he called right?"

"No." His expression changes. He looks down, that grimace on his face that always means worries or bad news.

"Are you okay?" I ask carefully and shift closer to him.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"So what's going on?"

He swallows and begins to play with his hands. "Carter asked me to do him a favor."

"What kind of favor?" I shift back to the corner of the couch and I'm not even sure why. It's just the way he's approaching this that scares me.

"To come to Darfur."

That goes too fast to understand. Jesus. Did he really just say that? No, please.

"They're short staffed," he adds, giving me a 'please understand' look.

But I don't understand. It's one of those things I'll never understand.

"I don't care that they're short staffed," I blurt out and stand up from the couch.

"Well, I do. And John does. And there are too many people out there who need help."

"That's not the point." I walk over to the kitchen and put my glass in the sink. "You know Luka, that's not the point." The anger must be clear in my voice now.

"Hey, I understand that you don't want me to go, but if I can help there..."

"Just _stop_ it," I say, lifting my hands up in the air from frustration. My eyes are burning, tears that are about to fall down behind them.

He purses his lips and puts the phone back on it's standard. "It's only for a month." He states, his back towards me.

I lean against the kitchen counters, trying to focus on my breath so I won't start to cry. And it's not because of my stupid hormones, it's because this is so delicate for me. It's that whole fucked up Africa thing that hurts me every time he or John mentions it with so much feeling, so much excitement. And they both don't seem to understand that for me it's none of that. I align Africa, no matter if it's the Congo or Sudan, with insecurity, lost of trust, pain, sorrow, whatever else I've been feeling all these weeks. And I can't go through all that again. I don't want to. I don't want him to go.

Luka sat down on the couch again, his arm leaning on the couch, his hand supporting his head. I blow out a long breath. The tiny plate is still lying on the kitchen counter. When everything was all cosy and good. Now it's ruined.

"I understand that you want to help him," I say, doing my very best to stay calm, as I sit down on a chair. "But I can't miss you here."

He nods slowly, sighs. "For four weeks. Then I'll be back."

I shake my head. "No. You didn't come back last time."

He looks up, confused, irritated. "What are you talking about?"

I raise my eyebrows. What I'm talking about? "Whatever." I get up and walk back to the bedroom. I thought he'd understood. I really thought he would.

"Hey, Ab. Wait. Let's talk about this."

"_Talk_?" My eyes burn again, ready to cry. "You. Want to talk?"

He nods and turns his head to me. "Yes."

I shake my head. "I can't talk to you about this. It hurts too much."

"Why?"

"You don't get it do you?"

"No."

I squeeze my eyes shut, my mind flying back to that moment. "I..." My voice trembles. "I was about to walk back into County, after I had a fight with Carter about _Africa, _and then Chuny walked up to me. You know what she told me? You were dead. _We_ got a call, and you _died_. In Africa." I'm yelling every word, at him, to him. Hoping they'll hurt him as much as they hurt me.

"God dammit Luka, you were _dead_. Dead. Killed, or whatever. We didn't know how. _I_ didn't know how. It scared the crap out of me. And I don't want to go through that again, I don't want you to go again." I'm crying through my words now.

I look straight in his eyes, daring him to say something. I want him to say something, to tell me he's sorry, that he won't go.

"I want to go to _Sudan_." He speaks softly, but it sounds like everything I just managed to tell him didn't impress him at all.

"Well. I can't stop you, can I?" I spit at him.

Can I? Please say yes. Please. I want him to hug me, to reassure me that he really isn't leaving, but he's just still sitting there, mouth half open with that damned look on his face.

He licks his lips and shrugs. "I'd do it for Carter."

"You'd do it for Carter," I repeat annoyed and walk back to the doorway of the bedroom.

For Carter. Like that is the best reason in the world to just get back there.

"Then do the best you can." And with that I slam the bedroom door behind me.

------------------------------

I'm still sitting on the couch, staring at John's postcard. I hurt her. I knew she wasn't going to like the idea, but I didn't expect... this. She's scared for Africa. But John needs help, and I can't just ignore that. I wish I could, but we have a friendship, especially about these subjects, that prevents me from ignoring it. We understand each other about this subject, and I know that freaks Abby out.

I sigh and walk to the bedroom. Abby is lying on her side, face averted from my side of the bed. I look at her for a moment, but she presses her face half into her pillow. Silently I walk to my side of the bed and carefully slid under the covers.

I lay down on my back and stare up to the ceiling, trying to think about a way to make her understand, although I know that she doesn't want to. Besides, I don't even know how to explain. It's too hard, too intimate.  
But I can't stand her crying either. Normally, when she's like this, I'd tell her that things would be fine, even when I wouldn't believe it myself, but that's not how it's going to be this time. I'm involved now.

"Ab..." I try and sit up. "Promise me we can talk about this tomorrow?"

"Promise me you're not going."

I bite my lip and lay down on my back again. "I'm sorry. I can't. Not right now."

"Could you then just turn off the light?" She asks bitter.

I switch my night lamp off and try to get comfortable and fall asleep, but the continues sniffing of Abby prevents me from that. But I can't promise that I'm not going, I wish I could, but I can't, not if it would trouble Carter as much as he said it would.

Once the clock turns 3:00 it sounds like Abby fell asleep, and I'm still awake. Awake, the ears of the rabbit in my hand, waving it, make it swirl, make it do a somersault in the air. Backwards, forwards, backwards, forwards...

It's now that I realize how much they both mean to me. John and Abby. I need to help him out there, I want to be here for Abby, and for myself, be with her. Maybe I should send someone else, but who? No one at County ever shared interest about it. The effect it would have on my relationship with Abby makes me shiver. That's not what I want to happen. But she's not willing to talk about it. I don't know. I don't know what the next thing is to do.

But I do know, that hurting Abby more than I already did tonight isn't worth anything.

Backwards, forwards, backwards, forwards...

* * *

**  
Thank you for reading!**

_(Preview for chapter 4: He hit her sore spot, and now there's trouble in Luby Land... Still there is a little boy to take care off, even though every conversation seems to end up in an awkward moment, but will that change?)_

**Please, leave a review ... !**


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